What follows is a disjointed account of how I’ve found my 29th lap of the sun. If you want a TL:DR… Make sure you are driving your own rollercoaster.

Autumn is always a reflective time of year for me, the shortening of days, losing of light, and cooler weather all bring a sense of the year winding down. With the longest days behind us, we drift into a season of relative hibernation. Sitting in the pub with a mulled cider, riding in the dark and the cold, clinging to whatever vitamin D we can get, trying to enjoy it as best we can.

That might sound a bit doom and gloom, but I try to frame it as essential contrast. There is no beauty without contrast, and I keep this in mind as the sun dips behind the horizon at 4pm. Without this contrast the joy of a summer 9pm sunset, playing in the woods after work, and sitting in a beer garden wouldn’t be half as special.

On the theme of contrast, I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago. My 29th year was a rollercoaster. It contained some seriously high highs, and, as with most years, had a fair share of lower points too. It’s been a year of flying solo, embracing life on my own terms, and having the occasional crisis of confidence along the way. Being a single man living alone has forced me to become a better decision-maker, which has been tough at times.

A year ago I wrote a post where I mentioned wanted to cook more and cook better. This was a larger struggle than I anticipated and I spent a while eating the same three meals, whilst feeling shitty about it. That’s now a thing of the past and while I’m no Jamie Oliver I’m eating pretty well, cooking a lot, and also not slating myself if I do just have beans on toast on a Sunday night because I’ve had a busy weekend.

One of the biggest parts of my 29th year was deciding to leave a job with some of the best people I’ve ever worked with. I had only been there a year and It felt like I was leaving far too soon, but I needed a break and felt a sense of ‘if not now, when?’. I set off on a series of hiking adventures, covering over 1000 kilometres on foot in Scotland, Cornwall, South Wales, and Southern France. I’ve seen some absolutely incredible scenes, spent time with exceptional people, had time to decompress, and unbelievably not had a single blister. Ask me about foot care, and I’ll chew your ear off.

I also began to run, after being one of the hordes of people who buy a pair of trainers in January as a new years relsolution. I’ve stuck with it and have gone from being in agony after a couple of kilometres to being able to fairly comfortably jog 10km. I feel like running is something the human body should be able to do, and I’m really embracing it as an alternative endorphin release to the bike, especially when it’s dark and grim out.

I’m excited to see where it takes me and fancy the idea of running a marathon at some point in the next year. This makes me acutely aware that I’m becoming a living meme. ‘everybody at 30 is either having kids or training for marathons’. I’m looking at converting a van too. Fuck, millennial bingo here we go. I think I’ll start with the Cheddar Challenge trail half marathon next year and see how that goes.

Another huge plus of the last year is that my back woes have been all but fixed up, I might not be as strong a cyclist as I was a few years ago, but I’m not too far off, and have a more well-rounded body that moves and works better. I can run, walk far, ride, lift things, open jam jars, and even put my own socks on without wincing in pain. Despite not being a skinny racing whippet any more I comfortably managed a 1000km cycle tour in between all of the hiking, and carried a trolley about on my back as part of a local waste collecting event. This was a bit silly, but had quite a lot of meaning to me as a signifier of being strong again. Earlier in the year I rode a spontaneous Wednesday night time trial, which got me excited to push the pedals a bit harder again next season and pin a number on again. Watch this space.

This is all a huge positive and I really don’t have words for how great it makes me feel. Ayoob has persuaded me to do(or rather attempt to do) the Bryan Chapman next year, which is a 600km bike ride up Wales and back. I’m unbelievably stoked to be able to say ‘yes’ to crazy shit again without worrying if the body will even get me to the start line.

Another feature of year #29 that I feel is worth sharing was diving into (and out of, and into again, etc) the world of dating apps, which I’ve yet to make my mind up about. Beleive me, there are only so many times you can hear somebody extol the importance of ’emotional intelligence’ whilst simultaneously treating you as a litmus test for whether or not they are over their ex.

It’s not all bad though, I’ve met some fun and interesting people who I’d otherwise never have crossed paths with, and figured out those who I vibe with best and what my personal dealbreakers are. Younger me used to worry about whether somebody would like me, now I worry more about whether I’ll like them or would have been better off spending my evening at home doing the dishes and reading a book. This is refreshing and makes the whole meeting people thing much less stressful.

What’s far more important than dating is the relationships we have with our friends. I feel like I’ve claimed my fair share of help and advice this year, and having a broad sounding board of people who are willing to listen has been so appreciated. I feel more supported at 30 than I have ever before, which is ace. In a big part this is due to me learning when to ask for it, which is something I used to be too stubborn or proud to do.

I think we should all try to support each other more. I don’t mean in some huge profound sort of way, just that kind of everyday encouragement most of us thrive on. ‘Do that mad bike race, go to that gig, take that job, learn that instrument, go to that class, write that blog post’… I’m not sure I’d still be putting words here if it weren’t for the handful of people who’ve told me they enjoy it.

People say you tend to have fewer friends as you get older, or that it is harder to make them. and comparing myself to 20-year-old me that’s almost certainly correct, but I feel like I’ve really learned who the good ones are, and have made some of my best friends in the last few years. I’m fortunate to know some really excellent people, I don’t need to write a list, but you know who you are. I might have fewer acquaintances, but I think I’m closer with more people, which is a nice feeling.

So, broadly speaking the year has been so much more up than down. My 28th year felt largely like uncontrollable and frightening chaos, like riding a fucked rollercoaster that had failed an inspection and was being driven by a manic. By comparison, my 29th year has been transformative. It still felt like a rollercoaster, but now I am in the driving seat. Sometimes I am driving with my eyes closed, but I’m definitely driving, and I’m loving it.

I’m aware that this metaphor completely falls apart upon the realisation that rollercoasters don’t actually have a driving seat, but you get the idea.

In a couple of weeks, I’m off to Madiera with my cousin Sofie to hike, relax, take photos, swim in the sea, and try not to crash a hire car. They say nothing is faster than a rental. I will no doubt come back with more to write about than rambling on about my personal life, but I think it does me some good to share these things, I will enjoy reading it back in a years time!